Monday, December 18, 2006

Pikey My Victim

Thanks to a recent court case we can now finally open the first official pikey hunting club. In our state of the art facilities you will be able to shoot many types of traveller from the lesser spotted Hiace driver to the crawling away gut shot burglar.

Our expert taxidermists can mount your prize to have a wall mounted head that reminds you of your glorious days hunting. Attempting to make the cadaver look menacing will cost extra.

Should any unfortunate legal complications arise the Garda have an expert creative writing department to help you fabricate an excuse. As a template try “I fired a warning shot in the air and a ricochet hit him, and then that happened again”.

Some problems do arise when you execute people who stray onto your property. I imagine afterward your mail service is drastically curtailed. Paper boys rarely use armoured personnel carriers making this element of their route problematic. An enforcing a no fly zone over your house can lead to difficulties with aviation authorities.

Also for concerned homeowners we offer a manatee shooting service. Do not let their cunning docile appearance fool you. These sea cows terrorise the rural population. They may never have been observed burglarising a house but that just shows how cunning they are. With our new “home protection” hunt we will help you find these manatee shoot it and we give you a free “Pikey my victim” kit to prevent any investigation into the death. Some problems can arise with this hunting option as people actually care about endangered species, so unlike tinkers this means there is no reward when you shoot one.


Our “Pikey my victim” kit is available to even non members and allows you to prevent investigation into the death of anyone you have executed. The kit contains a plantable crowbar and the keys to a Hiace.

While our hunting service is designed to humanely control the wild population of the traveller we fully support the proposed final solution to the problem that should commence as soon as Iarnr√≥d √Čireann can get trains to run on time.

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