NO DEPOSIT...NO WORRIES

If we do not learn our lesson from the property bubble and collapse we will wind up back in the same trouble again.

There is a semi ghost estate on my bus route. It is beside the M50 beside Finglas and an area called Scribblestown in murder news reports. The estate is opposite and beside a halting site.

This Heathfield estate seems less than half full. This week I noticed the sign they have flogging houses had a new banner on it. "NO DEPOSIT...NO WORRIES"


We have learned nothing.

We Hate You. Please Save Us

There is an episode of the Simpson's where Springfield unites against Lisa Simpson who questions the veracity of an angel skeleton. In a very short time, the citizens launch a mob attack against the town's scientific institutions, Moe decides to destroy the skeleton of a woolly mammoth at the Springfield Natural History Museum, yelling "Take that, science!" Predictably, the tusk falls off, crushing him. "Oof, I'm paralyzed," observes Moe. "I only hope medical science can cure me."

Ireland will be saved by science. Here is a document from the Taoiseach about the new smart economy.

One main idea is to "invest heavily in research and development, incentivise multinational companies to locate more R&D capacity in Ireland, and ensure the commercialisation and retaining of ideas that flow from that investment;"

So how does Ireland treat science? Well take the LHC launched fully today. There is a great article here about the disdain this project is meet with by our government. We won't spend the 10 million annually that would make us a part of the project.

Not that no Irish people are helping out but they have to work with foreign research groups if they want to help figure out how the universe works.
“Nobody knows what is going to happen, that is why we are doing it,” stated Dr Steve Myers, the Irish physicist in charge of the largest atom smasher ever built.

So no 10 million annually out of a total of 6.5 billion it will cost to work out how the nature of the universe.

Irish scientists are not valued either. There is a poll of the greatest Irishmen of all time. There is no scientist on the list. Dr Noel Browne is the closest but he is there as a politician. No Walton, Robert Boyle or William Rowan Hamilton.

But you do have Joe Dolan, Colin Farrell, Stephen Gately, Ronan Keating, Daniel O'Donnell and Louis Walsh.


We have space for Daniel O'Donnell but not Nobel prize winner Ernest Walton. We don't have 10 million for CERN but we do have 32000 million for the governments friends.

What can you say? I'll leave it to another Nobel prizewinner

What need you, being come to sense,
But fumble in a greasy till
And add the halfpence to the pence
And prayer to shivering prayer, until
You have dried the marrow from the bone?
For men were born to pray and save:
Romantic Ireland's dead and gone,

September 1913
William Butler Yeats

Nuclear war 2.0

In the latest in my increasingly unhinged worries about nuclear war I started wondering what would happen if someone accidentally spilled coffee into the wrong machine and it did all kick off. Off course there are so many back ups no such accident could happen like the way a drunken depressive could never be the one with the final say on when Armageddon comes...

Anyway if they did launch what would be the effects on your house?

Turns out some people have already made a shinny web 2.0 app that lets you see this


Its great family fun to play around with. Center the flag on the nearest location you think will be nuked and have a look at the various effects. You can go for that retro 50's bomb, the humongous 60's version, all the glamour of a modern small tactical nuke.

Playing with these toys the maps and the nuke computer and such is a really odd feeling. Part of me is impressed with the sheer Promethean hubris of the enterprise. Its hard not to admire the technocrat logic of the slide rule nuke computer the shiney mashup of the nuke map or the eery idea of subs wandering round blind in the ocean. Mainly though I wonder how I got stuck on this planet that is clearly packed full of psychotic apes.

MADness

After doing all the calculations for the chances of submarines wandering around blind filled with nuclear weapons crashing into each other i got a bit scared

There is something painfully absurd about the idea of blind mute spheres of death wandering round the oceans hoping not to bang into each other.


We like to think nuclear war was only a problem around the time of Bob Dylan's first album and was shot in kodachrome photos but the fact is it could still kick off today.

"I did a preliminary risk analysis which indicates that relying on nuclear weapons for our security is thousands of times more dangerous than having a nuclear power plant built next to your home."
Diffie

So for fun why not compute like it was 1962 and see what would happen if various nukes went off in your vicinity. There is a fun print and make Nuclear Bomb Effects Computer here and some more here. They are basically versions of slide rules people used to calculate how big fire balls and such would be.

Hey get the kids involved, its crafty and its edumacational. Why not teach them about how close to a bomb they would need to be so that all that would be left is the enamel of their teeth?

Bound for Whorey

I'm so angry I could drop kick a nun.



Woodie Guthrie the raving communist hater of corporations is advertising Audi cars? Are they going to have this machine kills fascists emblazoned on the side?



And whats with the papercraft? a nice biodegradable car that is put together with loving care? The sort of thing that wont mow down people and leave them clinging to the bloody stumps that used to join to their feet?

At least Woody had the decency to die before they tried to dance around in his skin in some bizarre puppet person desecration. Iggy pop on the other hand has some sort of alien inside him that makes him advertise car insurance

Lets all become drug dealers

1.

A RECORD haul of cocaine worth more than €500m was dramatically seized off the south-west coast yesterday in a sweeping international 'sting' operation.

2.

TD warns vaccine cut will result in 80 deaths
calculating the cost of the programme was half the €14m claimed by the Government — €7m

Does anyone else think 1 could solve 2? Why not let the government sell cocaine to people? You don't hear of pharmacists shooting each other.
But we cannot profit from drug dealers? We already do through CAB (criminal assets bureau).
But what about the lives that would be lost? Id rather coked up assholes died at their own hand than condemn women to a preventable death.

We are now short of cash. That is the reason prohibition ended.

Giving up on music

This makes me look like one of the monkeys at the start of 2001AD but I buy CD's. Lots of them. Almost everyone else I know gave up on new music a few years after leaving college. But I keep wandering round shops with handfulls of laser readable processed dinosaur bones like some sort of animal. I do not own an Ipod, I dislike the idea of Apple chaining up my files so I just continue to fill my house with disks.

The desert sessions 9&10 arrived yesterday and it is the last CD i will buy*. I will not buy new music until the music industry stops trying to steal from me. They are currently trying to make the internet more expensive and have less freedom. It is immoral for the record industry to take money from me for pirating when I do not pirate. Is is immoral for them to take freedom from me. It is immoral for them to sue 14 year old girls. It is immoral for them not to give the money they made suing p2p programs to the people they were suing for. I am not going to fund this behaviour anymore.


*I will buy music from skint artists from their website Jape, David Kitt and Mumblin' Deaf Ro people like that.

The end of the world news

There are now hooker shoes with GPS in them.

What does it say about a society that you can have atomic clocks in space that have the ability to detect vibrating atoms with massive precision. That then launches these clocks into orbit in a way that in minutely synchronized. This is then combined with telecommunications technology can locate you to within 5m anywhere on 5.1×108 km² surface area of the Earth. And that this amazing power is used to protect women wandering the streets.

You would think that maybe a society capable of all that shiny space tech could also ease up on the hypocrisy enough to stop women being murdered because they walk the streets?

Peak Oil

The world is living through a period of declining oil supplies. All attempts by politicians, capitalists and Nazis to deny this are black lies designed to dupe the sheep population.
The graph below illustrates the catastrophic reduction in oil production that has been experienced.



Without whale oil we would have nothing to power our whale oil lamps. The sudden rise in darkness levels will cause people to commit crime and lead to a rise in illegitimate children. Also without baleen, which is used for stiffening clothing, gentlemen will appear dishevelled and unattractive and so no gentleman shall be able to attract ladies of good virtue.

The only measure available to us is to ban the use of whale oil lamps by individuals and to make everyone live in giant communes in tree top settlements. If we do not ban individuals from using whale oil we will end up with drastic price rises in whale oil which will end civilisation and reduce us all to using lights made from bugs kept in jars. Whale oil has already reached (in 1855) reached $1500 a barrel, what more evidence is needed that it is time to abandon capitalism and democracy then this?

Robot Wars

Wired is reporting on the advances in using robots in war situations. This raises moral issues because it becomes much easier to use force if you are unlikely to suffer as a result.

Say the robots works exactly as planned, i.e. does not attempt to find Sarah Conners. Now instead of having to invade a country and risk votes and lives you get to drop "rods of god" from orbit and clean up afterwards with the robots mopper uppers.
Cut to TV newsflash
"Today our great superstate of Freedonia neutralised a threat to this great nation in 5 minutes with no loss of Freedonian lives. The dangerous goat herders of darkydarkistan who the government has secret evidence were involved in one of the following
1. Drugs that we do not get to tax
2. Use of weapons which we sold them
3. Looking at us funny
have been brought freedom. Now back our attempts to sell you stuff between videos of your comedic accidents"

Tinky Winky has converted to Islam. Renamed himself Mohammed

Fans of the Teletubbies were left confused and cranky Monday when the new episode revealed an attempt to spread Sharia law. In the episode Tinky Winky beats the shit out of Laa Laa because she refuses to cover up her sinful flesh.

Dipsy was not allowed render medical assistance to Laa Laa due to his having male genitalia on his head. Po who has also converted to Islam could have helped but after hearing Laa Laa and Dipsy had hugged in public had an unlikely cooking accident where boiling oil was spilled on Laa Laa.

Rupert the bear said of his close friend Tinky Winky "I love marmalade sandwiches and killing teachers. Yes if some teacher tried to rename me I would hope she was stoned".

Fans await with some confusion the next episode of the Teletubbies "Lets hunt and kill Miss Piggy".

Taxing Cannabis

Due to the reduction in house sales there is a one billion deficit in the Irish budget. In order to make up this deficit the finance minister needs either to cut spending or raise taxes. I want to examine the effect of allowing cannabis to be sold and taxed by the government on this deficit.

The amount of cannabis usage can be estimated from the amount of seizures "Cannabis resin valued at €48.7m was seized". Between 10% and 5% of all drugs are seized according to internationally agreed figures. So this means that the current cannabis market in Ireland is worth conservatively around 500 million Euro.

This 500 million could make how much tax for the exchequer?
Profits on cannabis is unlikely to be as high as the 400 times mark up on heroin.
This can be evidenced by the lack of cannabis dealers shooting each other. Still as this is an illegal drug it is reasonable to assume the costs of the actual product are minimal.


So if the legal seller of cannabis took half the cost to create and distribute the product and the exchequer took the other half in tax (this is a conservative estimate of the possible tax take) then at a minimum 250 million Euros in tax could be gathered each year from current levels of cannabis usage.

Should Rushdie be Knighted?

I have heard numerous arguments over whether Salman Rushdie should receive a knighthood. The arguments that say no seem based about three issues
1. Knighthoods are bad because the Queen gives them
2. His books are awful
3. We should lube up and bend over and take it from some Islamic nutjobs who are throwing a hissy fit because someone has insulted their imaginary friend.

I think it is important to recommend Rushdie for a knighthood for services to a particular set of individuals. The much maligned ugly bloke.

What hope it gives us that such a spectacularly ugly bloke has managed to marry a woman so insanely out of his league.


Chalk one up to the ugly blokes on this one. There has not been such an unlikely couple since Lyle Lovett and Julia Roberts my only guess is this is another answer to my previous question of "are there other celebrities with giant extremities?"

For services in giving hope to ugly men alone he deserves a knighthood.

Stand back I have got a word

Words are weapons ones so heinous we should keep them locked away. The military should make sonic grenades to stun people. These when thrown into a room containing a minority will say words so vile that they will be completely incapacitated.



Throw it at Irish people and when it says “Mick, Paddy” they will fall to the floor unable to move. Of course this only works if it is said with an English accent saying it in an Irish accent is completely inoffensive. This does lead to certain problems the “Ginger” grenade probably will not work as it is hard to tell someones hair colour from their voice.

It does not matter whether the word is used as a slur to humiliate someone it only matter who says it.

"There are no dirty words, only dirty minds." - Lenny Bruce

Duracell, ginger nuts, kipper, Carrot-top, copper-top

Gingers chill the fuck out. Kids are bastards, people are bastards you will be called names, now lets get on with our lives. No people should not call you names, but if we stopped people doing half the things they shouldn’t do life would be no fun. The sterile moribund infantile really fucking dull society that would result in everyone being insulted all the time is not a place I want to live in. If avoiding that means some moron makes a joke occasionally I will live with that.

And it is not the same as racism, homophobia or sexism. No one ever got hung from a tree or stoned for having red hair. Comparing name calling to racism is like comparing apples and thermonuclear warheads.

Take the whoremogering cripple Larry Flynt. He has the balls to be friends with people he disagrees with. People who sued him. This scumbag even went to jail so that you can get offended and no one else has to care. He fought to stop a situation where “All anyone would have to prove is that "he upset me" or "she made me feel bad." The lawsuits would be endless, and that would be the end of free speech”.

And you why don’t you grow a pair? You might get slagged over having glasses or being Canadian or being southern Canadian so what? No one is perfect, everyone is disabled in some way. Everyone is either too old too young too smart or too dumb. Suck it up, life is far to short to care about what other people think. Do you take offence at something I say? I do not care. I find it offensive that you expect me to change and hide my opinions just so you do not feel bad.

I think God is sending us a message: "If you can't take a joke,
go fuck yourselves."
--Woody Allen

Lismullen henge

I joined the green pen brigade today when I wrote a politician an email. I sent Dick Roche the minister for the environment the text below. He has the right to remove the newly discovered Lismullen henge. I think people and particularly politicians (who have five year life cycles) do not have the cognitive architecture needed to make such decisions.

I am writing to you in relation to the planned motorway in the Tara-Skryne valley. I would however like you to consider how your decisions will look to someone at the same remove from us as we are to the creators of the original megalithic monuments.
The Long Now organisation asks people to think about how their actions will affect the long term future. To illustrate how we can affect the future they are building a clock designed to run for ten millennia. This "clock of the long now" costs millions of dollars and will serve as a tourist attraction. The megalithic sites of Ireland are a form of clock of the long now that have already operated for over five millennia.

Economists describe the daily discount rate as the amount of consumption we are willing to put off today to save for later. Cats, who have a very low daily discount rate, will gorge and starve rather then ration food over a period of time. Humans however are capable of seeing how our decisions now will affect the future. It is rare that we make a decision that we know will have consequences more then a few decades from now. You however have a decision to make about preserving Lismullen henge in the Tara-Skryne valley that you know will affect the world for millennia. I ask you to consider the geological timeframe that the consequences of any decision on this site will persist.

Baby on board

Thanks for telling me because I was planning on ramming you. I must remember to read the rules of the road section where it describes how to really drive safe in the case of the other car contains an infant. You know the bit that tells you to stop treating the road like a demolition derby and to let the most sober person drive should you realise an infant is on the road. These signs remind us that we should feel no responsibility to other road users , ones who do not drink breast milk, and that is a service to us all.

Pfizer are Pimps

Prostitution is illegal in Ireland and in most of the United States. Nevada (and not all of it) have legalised it. Making money organising prostitution is generally called being a pimp and legally is a crime called "living of immoral earnings" or something like that.

Prostitution is having sex with someone for payment. This behavior has been observed in many monkey species particularly the Bonobo chimpanzee.

Being a porn star is having sex with someone for payment. This means it is a form of prostitution. The organisers of the porn industry are thus pimps as they organize people to have sex for money. Yet porn stars are not arrested and the producers (strange term that) of pornographic films have channel 4 reality TV shows and awards dinners for them. Actors in non pornographic films engaging in full frontal sex "12 songs" is one example of such a film. These actors are pornstars with better dialogue.

Recently sex has become subject to investigation with people having sex in MRI scanners and TV documentaries. Also sex has been medicalised. Drugs such as Viagra have been created. These drugs have to be tested. This testing involves seeing if the drug does indeed aid sex to take place. People taking part in scientific trials generally receive a small payment. They are having sex for money. This makes them prostitutes. Pfizer and other drug companies profit as a result of these drugs which could only be brought to market because of these experiments. They are thus pimps.

Prostitution is the most hypocritical topic in our society. Sex is used to sell everything. But you are not allowed to sell sex.
A few objections arise
1. The sex industry is dangerous. Yes it is, follow that logic and ban wooden products and never use anything wooden again.
America's Most Dangerous Jobs
Job Number Of Fatalities Fatality Rate*
Timber Cutters 105 122.1
Fishermen 52 108.3
All Occupations 5,915 4.3

2. Sex industry spreads disease
A McDonalds worker is more likely to kill you then a whore. If you are worried about illness ban smoking, drinking and make people exercise.

3. It is a sin it says so in the bible. As is working in a bank but we allow that nowdays.

Ban Shampoo

There is a girl in Ireland who is four months pregnant with a fetus who due to a brain condition cannot survive. Our government is stopping her traveling outside of the country. They believe that should she travel she will get an abortion. I will pay more attention to arguments that support the governments position as long as certain criteria are met
The person arguing infects themselves with Scabies and crabs for the next five months. Someone without sexually transmitted parasites telling someone who does have them how to act lacks empathy.
The state no longer carries out cancer treatment as growths with human genetic material in them apparantly have rights. People with cancer should also have their passports taken away from them.

Forward to the red revolution

There was a guy on the radio news from the teachers union the ASTI saying about how they had past a motion to say that people in caring professions should be able to negotiate outside the benchmarking process. As in be able to break a contract. Anyway the union official says that the vote was one of “solidarity with our comrades" in the nurses union. Do union officials know Communism failed? While you are up for solidarity with your comrades why not bring back the gulag archipelagos, show trials and Stalin’s purges while we are at it? We can probably buy some cheap Lenin statues from the Russians seeing as for some reason those who had to live under Communism realized what a stupid idea it was.