The Future Rocks

“Each household appliance is like a new science in my town” Morrissey

We live in amazing times. My work toilet has gotten in a Dyson Airblade dryer. It feels like I am in Buck Rodgers. You go along and put your hands into it, which is quite unsettling as all new technology should be. This machine is just waiting to rise up when the robots decide to kick off, then it will dismember users by cutting their hands off with superpowered air.

The other thing is it looks genuinely futuristic. Most technology nowdays is designed to be unnoticeable. Which is crap, all the cool stuff should be easily spotted. Like hoverpants, I did not learn to cycle a bike till last year because I was convinced we would all travel by hoverpants at this stage.

I have become dangerously obsessed with using it. I have drank 10 cups of water already today just to get back to it. I went to the other bathroom and drying my hands with a towel made me feel like a fucking animal. You know like the sort of inbred pumpkin who wipes his noise on his sleeve. I cannot wait to lord it over anyone who has not used the handryer of the future.