Sunday, November 05, 2006

Buying Condoms in Ireland

Why is it so difficult?

My local Superquinn supermarket does not sell them. This is because the guys who owns it likes nothing more then barebacking with crack whores. When they ask him to wear one he can just say "sorry I only buy from Superquinn and we do not sell them because..."

I was driving through Ireland recently and had to stop in four shops before I found them. In Swanlinbar the pharmacies did not stock them. If you had mange they had a host of items for you. Even having mastitis seemed more socially acceptable. There was a veritable smorgasbord of items to help with fluke but if you wanted to have a bit of jiggery pokery you were out of luck.

There did not seem to be a lot of people in Swanlinbar which lead me to the belief that lack of condoms was not to prevent contraception. The bizarrely veterinary themed pharmacies lead me to believe that more rural methods of procreation had taken over.

Secret sources have revealed to me that the plain people of rural Ireland have desisted from having sex. Instead an AI man comes round once a year with a turkey baister of Michael Flatley's seamen. This is squeezed from him every morning. There is a vacancy in the position of Flatley wanker that if you wish to apply for just send an email to this address In order to qualify for this job you should be able to get a pig off in under a minute, use of your mouth is allowed.

What super race of fleet footed dancing geniuses will result from such a mass experiment in "The Boys from Brazil" like eugenics?

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